AUTHOR: Robin Dugall DATE: 2:40:00 PM ----- BODY:

I am so stoked that my daughter is back blogging. Chaya had to disappear from the blogsphere for a while due to some "harrassment"...need I say more? Anyway, she is back with a vengence posting stuff that makes me want to close my computer and just let her give people an opportunity just to reflect on life from her artistic and passionate perspective. Take a gander at this post...you'll see what I mean: "It's too late to sleep. Does that make sense? It's too late for me to fall asleep right now because it's midnight and I have had a very long day with a very fussy daughter. And now, that I have some time of peace and quiet to myself, it's too late to waste it with sleep. "Who needs sleep? Tell me what's that for?" (one of my favorite BNK songs, thank you! They are wise words!) I have always been a late night owl anyway, and at times I find myself too full of thoughts to lay down to rest. Brian is long gone, Kaelynn is finally resting (she had her 4 month shots today and she hasn't wanted me to put her down for a minute!) and I am sitting alone thinking about the past. I wish I had a time machine so that I could take it back to when I was 10 years old and beat up my little brother so badly that I made him cry; then maybe he wouldn't think that he wasn't good enough to be loved my a remarkable girl of God. I wish I had a time machine so that I could take it back to when I was 17 years old and told my dad that I didn't care about what he thought was best for me even though he said he loved me; maybe then I wouldn't have the baggage of the other guys I sought out to validate me. I wish I had a time machine so that I could take it back to when I was 21 and first married to my husband and let him hold me when he wanted to hold me instead of pushing him off because I was too busy; maybe then it wouldn't have caused him to think that I didn't like all the "mushy stuff." I wish I had a time machine so that I could take it back to when I was 11 and told my mom that I didn't want her marrying my dad because she wasn't "good enough" for him; maybe then I could have started our wonderful relationship 10 earlier and really gotten to know her for the amazing woman she really is at a time when I could've used her the most. I wish I had a time machine so that I could take it back to the times my closest friends needed me the most and I wasn't there; maybe then they would understand how much they really mean to me instead of thinking I just used them when I was lonely. I wish I had a time machine so I could take it back to all the times I heard my biological mother say she wasn't worth anything so I could have walked out of the room and not listened to the lies; maybe then I would find my identity as a child of God, and not in the media or other's oppinions of me. I wish I had a time machine so that I could take it back to when I was 18 and reading books on paganism and satanism. Maybe then I could have looked at her and said, "let me tell you about my Truth" and remained in Him while remaing her friend. Maybe she wouldn't hide behind black eyes and dark circles. Maybe then I wouldn't be so scared of what I believed or didn't believe. Maybe then I could actually be friends with someone who doesn't know Christ and feel confident in who I was in Him. Does anyone have a time machine? I could use it for a while. I have some cleaning up to do. Man, I wish I would have written that! I could use a time machine as well...there are so many things that I would love to do over! Praise God for forgiveness and grace! It would be cool to do life right...its even better to do life under the umbrella of grace! Peace...OUT! Oops - check out the Chay-dawg blog - URL: http://yliapu.typepad.com/chaya/

-------- COMMENT-AUTHOR: Anonymous COMMENT-DATE:6:30 PM COMMENT-BODY:Dude Chaya is sooo cool. I only wish I could express myself as well as she does. --------