AUTHOR: Robin Dugall
DATE: 10:46:00 AM
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BODY:
I’m sitting down today…relaxing and trying to get in touch with my heart. The door is open…a cool breeze in blowing in from the ocean. My dog barks occasionally just to make sure that no one is invading our territory. Game 3 of the Eastern Conference finals is on the big screen TV. A Diet Coke is in my future as well as a bowl of Tortilla Chips and some salsa. Shaq still looks like he is struggling with his weight and being in good physical condition. The slug! Give me a zillion dollars to play a game and I think the least I would do is stay in good physical condition. Some of the other players look pretty chiseled and, sooner or later, they will run him off the floor. Oh well…I have to drop my critical spirit today. I had a hard enough time making the intramural team during my college days. I had visions of athletic glory just like every other dude I know until I realized that I couldn’t consistently hit a jump shot from 10 feet. At least I looked good when I jumped except for the fact that I’m a white guy and you know what they say about white guys and jumping. I think every guy has some broken dream about athletic fame and fortune. You’d think that when I turned 50 that I would have moved beyond the fantasies of sports or rock n’ roll glory. Get over it! Forgive the minor derailing. Last night, my boys and I played about 6 hours of worship music in preparation for the summer TEAM conference for the Youth Leadership Institute. Despite having a blast with the fellas and staying out way past my bedtime (remember, I’m a 50 year old guy who likes to start reading and getting ready for sleep right after my evening feeding), my heart came out void. I used to know how to get in touch with the deepest parts of my life. I used to be able to take a drive, catch a wave, play a few chords on my Martin, or sit still long enough to dial in on the frequency that reveals what’s going on inside…but for some reason, now I’m coming up empty. I’m even losing a bit of my desire to do some of my favorite activities…I’m tired of reading (that’s strange for me…I read books more than I take trips to the bathroom)…I’m tired of working on my papers for the doctorate that I am pursuing…I’m tired of having to push my way to my office through the insane LA traffic…I’m tired of seeing the days go by faster and faster like the news crawl on the cable news networks. I don’t know if I am just tired or if there is something else. So…I’m going to chill today. I’m going to let go of this obsession with accomplishment. I’m going to sit still long enough to see what’s happening…to consult the beat of my heart…to attempt to get in touch with what might resemble a feeling or two. I’m got my suspicions, by the way. Frankly, I shot myself in the foot again. Yep, pulled out the gun of overachievement, loaded it up with the magazine of mindless pace of living, and a few slugs of little down time and blasted away again. I’m confident of one thing…those who seek the Lord will be found. Call upon the Lord in times of trouble and stand back and watch God at work. I know that God is searching for me too. Maybe He’s as interested in me and that bowl of chips and salsa as I am. Maybe He’s looking forward to me cracking open that Diet Coke and hanging out for a while. Why is it that we only feel like God is noticing us when we are DOING something? Isn’t God just as satisfied with us as we are hanging out? I don’t think the Lord is much of a basketball fan but that’s fine by me. I prefer the college game myself. Oh well…we’ll see what’s going on through the day. Maybe tomorrow or later today when I’m sitting on the couch, telling the dog to stop barking for the thousandth time, taking that last hit off that DC, a revelation will occur. I’ll know what’s on the inside and I’ll find a new sense of peace.
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COMMENT-AUTHOR: H. West
COMMENT-DATE:8:34 PM
COMMENT-BODY:me too!! Robin-- i am so glad to know that someone else is in the same place as i seem to be... maybe not exactly the same place, since we are different people in different places in life and location, but its good to know i'm not alone.
so, i say thanks too.
Heidi
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H. West
COMMENT-DATE:8:34 PM
COMMENT-BODY:me too!! Robin-- i am so glad to know that someone else is in the same place as i seem to be... maybe not exactly the same place, since we are different people in different places in life and location, but its good to know i'm not alone.