AUTHOR: Robin Dugall DATE: 8:53:00 PM ----- BODY:

I hate to begin a blog with whining...in fact, I hate to open this part of myself up to anybody. But I'm less than a "5"...yep, if the number "5" were the top of the heap, pick of the litter, or lead dog on the sled, I'd be looking up to the top, wondering why I wasn't chosen first or looking up the @%^%& of the lead dog for the entire race. Here's how this fleshes out...for the last two years, I've been designing and leading leadership development and spiritual formation conferences for high school students. Because I'm such a humble guy (sic), I make sure we bring in the most effective and godly student communicators possible. That's a good thing! We never, ever, ever want to insult a student's intelligence or sense of depth in spirit by putting before them entertainers who masquerade as speakers/teachers. I really feel that students have been insulted enough in youth ministry with comic relief without a message that can truly set off a revolution. Getting students to laugh is easy...inspiring them, sparking the creativity of their hearts and dishing out the power of Holy Spirit is a whole "nother" story. Frankly, I'm tired of student communicators...but that's another blog posting. Well, last year's conference spawned a family "joke" that one of my bestest friends in the entire world, Mike (mdevries.blogspot.com) is a "5" speaker and 'ole dad (that's me in case you were wondering), he ranks a "4"...an solid "4" but a "4" nonetheless. I don't care how long I've been in the ministry thing...I don't care how many self-image sessions I buy from my therapist...I don't care how many times I nag my wife to tell me things about myself that will feel good. Being a "4" is just not good enough. You would think I would be a bigger man of God than to get petty about a small number...at least I'm not a "3" like...oops, I better not say names (but trust me, you would know these people...I mean, they're big, big names). Even so, I'm not that big of a giant. You see, I'm still as focused as the next guy on what people think of me despite a constant dose of spiritual truth and years of psychotherapy. God says, "my ways are not your ways". God could speak through common jackasses...in utter silence...in the wind...through burning bushes. I often wonder, "what are I that You, God, are so mindful of me"? I wrote in the cover of my Bible a few years back that I wanted to play, speak, teach, love, and live unto an Audience of One. When I'm on the stage of life and that Audience is watching, there is applause and approval everytime. Oh yeah, I'm not naive enough to think that God wouldn't have a "you forgot this" or "why did you weenie out of that"...correction is something that we have to trust that God is good at. Yet, approval and love...that's the very nature of the character of our God. When the Spirit descends on us and we are being used of and by God, heavenly words need to flood over our lives. You remember the words Jesus heard at the Jordan, "this is my Son, I love Him, listen to Him!". That's what I'm talking about! If only we can hear of the approval of the Father. Oh yeah, did I forget to tell you...I'm less than a five except...

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